By now, I’ve already deleted and rewritten this post twice. Saved a draft. Closed the window. Saved a draft again.
It’s difficult by any means, online or in person, to admit you’ve been depressed. That you’ve thought about suicide. Especially in a society that may stigmatize you (“You’re crazy.”), or champion denial (“Don’t be a wimp, and suck it up.”). It’s so easy to call someone weak when you have no idea that it’s neither an issue of strength nor willpower. That it is, in fact, far from just an “issue” at all. This is about a human being who is sick. About that person needing help, and the ability for others to kindly and genuinely say, “Don’t be ashamed. There are ways for you to get better. Here they are…”
Last February, I released a piece called “Celebrate.” I wrote it with certain people in mind, knowing that if they ever needed me say “I’m here” at any given moment, they could just press play. Admittedly, though, I wrote it mostly for myself. Someone who, without a relentless and caring mother to knock at her door every day, might still be huddled in a blanket of deep, deep darkness. After I wrote “Celebrate,” I had anxiety about whether or not I should publish it. I was nervous, sensitive and scared, heavily haunted by my past. Eventually I posted it to YouTube, and shared it on Twitter once or twice but not to the extent I originally wanted.
Now, however, I am sharing it again. This time, willing and unashamed, with the full intent to remind you (whoever you are) that you are not alone. You are not weak. You are celebrated by me and many others around you, whether you know it or not. “Cause you’re never alone, when you play this song at home…” This is for anyone who needs it:
(R.I.P. Robin Williams. Comedic genius, amazing artist. Adopted by Neverland kids all over the world as their Peter Pan, Genie, Mrs. Doubtfire, “Oh Captain, My Captain!” and so much more. Thanks for everything.)
If you or anyone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out for help. It’s always available:
1-800-273-8255 – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline